Council Launches Consultation Asking Residents Why They Never Respond To Consultations

By Robin Sheffield, Editor

EAST SUSSEX — A fictional Sussex council has launched a major public consultation asking residents why they never respond to public consultations.

The new Community Consultation Engagement Consultation will give residents the opportunity to explain why they routinely ignore emails, surveys and questionnaires asking for their views.

Officials insist understanding the problem is vital.

"We really want residents to tell us why they don't engage with consultations," said a fictional spokesperson.

"So we've launched a consultation."

Nobody has responded yet.

Survey Takes Just 45 Minutes

Residents are being encouraged to complete an online questionnaire containing 94 questions.

The council describes the survey as "quick and accessible."

The first question asks:

How likely are you to participate in council consultations?

Anyone selecting UNLIKELY is then required to answer 17 additional questions explaining why.

Other questions include:

Do you feel there are too many consultations?

Would you participate in more consultations if there were fewer consultations?

and:

How satisfied are you with this consultation about consultations?

Residents must create an account before answering.

Graham Gives Up At Question Six

Local resident Graham Collins attempted to participate.

"I thought I'd tell them exactly why nobody bothers."

He opened the survey.

Accepted the cookie notice.

Created an account.

Verified his email address.

Selected his age range.

Entered the first half of his postcode.

Then reached question six.

"I couldn't be bothered anymore."

Officials have recorded Graham as partially engaged.

Public Engagement Events Planned

To encourage participation, several fictional community engagement sessions are also being proposed.

Residents will be invited to attend a two-hour presentation explaining why their opinions are important.

The presentation will be followed by a workshop.

The workshop will be followed by feedback forms asking residents what they thought about being asked for feedback.

Tea may be provided.

Biscuits remain subject to budget approval.

Previous Consultation Had Low Response

The project reportedly follows disappointing participation in an earlier fictional consultation.

Thousands of residents were invited to respond.

Thirty-seven did.

Nine misunderstood the question.

Four were complaining about bins.

One response simply read:

FIX THE POTHOLES.

Officials described this as "valuable qualitative feedback."

Residents Suggest Radical Alternative

Some residents have proposed councils simply speak to people.

This suggestion caused considerable confusion.

"Without a survey?" asked one official.

"Yes."

"But how would we capture the data?"

Residents did not know.

The proposal is expected to require further consultation.

Results To Be Published

Once the consultation closes, responses will be analysed and presented in a detailed report.

If participation remains low, officials may launch a follow-up consultation asking why residents failed to participate in the consultation about failing to participate in consultations.

At the time of publication, the original survey had received eleven responses.

Three were from council employees.

One was Graham's unfinished form.

And somebody had once again written:

FIX THE POTHOLES.