Eastbourne Man Buys Metal Detector And Immediately Declares Himself Owner Of Entire Beach

By Barry Beakman, Senior Local Correspondent

EASTBOURNE — An Eastbourne man has declared himself legal owner of the town's entire beach after purchasing a £49 metal detector and finding 37p within his first afternoon.

Martin Fletcher, 54, began his archaeological career at approximately 10.30am on Thursday and had promoted himself to Chief Custodian of Eastbourne's Buried Treasures before lunch.

"I've found a 20p, a 10p, a 5p and two pennies," Martin confirmed. "This proves people have been using this beach for years."

Historians have reluctantly agreed.

Major Discovery Made

Excitement peaked when Martin's detector produced what he described as an "absolutely massive signal" near the promenade.

A crowd gathered as he carefully excavated the area using a small plastic shovel.

After eleven minutes, Martin uncovered a bottle cap.

"Could be Victorian," he said.

The bottle cap said 2025.

Martin believes it may have been added later.

Beach Ownership Announced

Following his discoveries, Martin informed nearby visitors that anything found beneath the beach now technically belonged to him.

This included coins, jewellery, ancient artefacts and "possibly a shipwreck."

A child subsequently found £1 beside a bench.

Martin demanded 20%.

The child's mother told him to go away.

Negotiations ended.

Search Continues

Martin has now created a map identifying several high-priority archaeological zones, including beneath benches, beside ice cream kiosks and anywhere tourists have recently been sitting.

His wife remains unconvinced by the new career.

"He spent £49 on the detector and found 37p," she said. "So currently we're £48.63 down."

Martin rejected this analysis.

"You can't put a price on history."

At approximately 4pm his detector started beeping furiously.

Martin spent twenty minutes digging.

It was his car keys.

He'd dropped them that morning.