Residents outraged as town’s new slabs are cleaned — because apparently getting wet is now a civic emergency

TERMINUS ROAD — Residents have expressed their outrage after the brand-new slabs installed in the town centre were subjected to the shocking ordeal of being… cleaned.

The controversial cleaning operation, involving a pressure washer, has reportedly caused widespread concern among shoppers, particularly those brave enough to venture down Terminus Road while the machine is operating.

Several residents have complained that they are “getting wet” as water sprayed from the pressure washer is being carried by the wind.

“It’s absolutely disgusting,” said one local resident, standing approximately three metres away from the cleaning operation while holding an umbrella horizontally. “I came into town for a coffee and now my sleeve is slightly damp. Frankly, I don’t know what this town is coming to.”

Another resident described the conditions as “basically tropical”, despite the temperature remaining decidedly British.

“I was walking along and suddenly there was a tiny bit of water on my face,” they explained. “I nearly had to seek shelter.”

The cleaning comes after residents had previously demanded that the new slabs be cleaned, with some apparently now questioning why anyone would have the audacity to actually clean them.

“I want clean slabs,” one resident said. “But I don’t want the cleaning process to inconvenience me in any way.”

The wind in Terminus Road has also been blamed for the crisis, with gusts reportedly carrying microscopic droplets several feet from the pressure washer.

Local meteorologists have described the situation as “windy”, while one passer-by simply shouted, “It’s August, mate. It’s water.”

At the time of going to press, the slabs remained wet, the pressure washer remained operational, and residents remained absolutely determined to find something else to complain about once they had dried.

Officials have confirmed that the cleaning will continue.