Sussex Man Visits Different Town, Immediately Explains Why His One Is Better

By Derek Pebbles, Sussex Correspondent

SUSSEX — A Sussex man has successfully completed a day trip to another part of the county without enjoying a single attraction before explaining why everything was better where he lives.

The 57-year-old arrived shortly before 10am and immediately began comparing the town centre, parking, seafront and general quality of its benches with those available approximately 20 miles away.

His wife confirmed the behaviour began before they had even left the car.

"He looked at the parking machine and said ours was cheaper," she explained.

"It wasn't."

"But there didn't seem much point arguing."

Within fifteen minutes, the man had described the town as "quite nice actually" before adding that it was "obviously nowhere near as nice as ours."

He then spent twenty minutes looking for somewhere to have coffee while rejecting several perfectly acceptable cafés on the basis that they "looked expensive."

After eventually sitting down, he immediately compared the size of his tea with one he'd purchased at home approximately six months earlier.

"It was definitely bigger," he told his wife.

She did not respond.

Seafront Fails Inspection

The couple later walked towards the seafront, where the man conducted an unsolicited inspection of the promenade.

He examined several benches, two flower beds and a public bin before announcing that the local authority had "let things go a bit."

Witnesses confirmed there was nothing obviously wrong with any of them.

"It's alright," he said, looking towards the English Channel.

"But our bit of sea is nicer."

Experts have repeatedly confirmed it is the same sea.

At lunchtime, the couple purchased sandwiches and sat overlooking the beach.

The man spent approximately half the meal explaining that parking had been easier than expected before remembering this contradicted something he'd said earlier.

He immediately changed the subject to council tax.

Residents Unaware Competition Was Taking Place

People living in the town appeared largely unaware they were participating in an unofficial comparison exercise.

One resident said: "He asked me whether it was always this busy.

"I said yes.

"Then he told me where he lives doesn't get this busy.

"I didn't ask where he lives."

The visitor continued gathering evidence throughout the afternoon, photographing several attractive buildings while carefully avoiding anything that might undermine his conclusion.

By 3pm, he had conceded that the town had "a couple of nice bits."

His wife described this as significant progress.

"That's basically five stars from him."

Successful Day Out

The couple returned home shortly before 6pm.

When asked by neighbours whether they'd enjoyed themselves, the man replied:

"Yeah, lovely actually."

He then spent the next fifteen minutes explaining why he wouldn't go back.

Despite this, his wife confirmed they are already planning another Sussex day trip next month.

Her husband is reportedly looking forward to it.

"Always nice to get out and see somewhere different," he said.

"Just makes you appreciate what you've got at home."