Seagull Steals Eastbourne Man's Entire Lunch Then Returns To Take Napkin

By Sally Squawks, Seagull Affairs Correspondent

EASTBOURNE — An Eastbourne man has described the moment a seagull stole his entire lunch before returning several minutes later specifically to take the napkin.

Local resident Graham Collins had been enjoying lunch near the seafront when the bird launched what witnesses described as a "professionally executed" attack.

Within seconds, Graham lost a sandwich, packet of crisps and most of his dignity.

He accepted defeat.

Then the seagull came back.

"There wasn't any food left," Graham said.

"It came back for the napkin."

"That's when I realised this wasn't hunger."

"It was personal."

Attack Lasted Seconds

Graham had only just opened his sandwich when the gull appeared.

"I saw it looking at me."

"But you always see them looking at you."

He attempted to protect his lunch by moving the sandwich closer to his body.

This proved ineffective.

The bird approached from behind, grabbed the sandwich and escaped before Graham fully understood what had happened.

A second gull then landed nearby.

It took several crisps.

Graham believes this was coordinated.

"I've watched enough crime documentaries."

"That wasn't random."

Napkin Incident Changes Everything

After losing his lunch, Graham decided there was little point remaining outside.

He gathered his belongings.

Then the original gull returned.

Witnesses expected it to search for leftover food.

Instead, it walked directly towards Graham's napkin.

The two briefly made eye contact.

The gull picked it up.

Then flew away.

"There was absolutely nothing on it."

"That's what bothers me."

Graham believes the bird took the napkin purely to demonstrate that it could.

Witnesses Horrified

Several people nearby witnessed the incident.

One woman described the initial theft as "quite funny."

Her opinion changed after the napkin.

"That was sinister."

Another witness claims the gull looked back at Graham while leaving.

Sally Squawks has been unable to confirm this.

However, she accepts that it sounds like something a gull would do.

Anonymous Seagull Contacted

The Seagull Times contacted Anonymous Seagull to determine whether the attack could be connected to Eastbourne's alleged organised food-theft network.

Our confidential source responded:

"Who took the napkin?"

We described the bird.

There was a lengthy pause.

Then:

"Forget this happened."

We requested clarification.

Anonymous Seagull went offline.

This has not reassured Graham.

Possible Message Being Sent

Experts in absolutely nothing believe the napkin may have represented some form of warning.

One theory suggests Graham had unknowingly eaten lunch in territory controlled by one of Eastbourne's three alleged gull families.

Another suggests the bird simply wanted a napkin.

The second explanation is considerably more likely.

The Seagull Times has chosen to investigate the first.

Graham Changes Lunch Routine

Following the incident, Graham says he will no longer eat openly near the seafront.

Future sandwiches will remain inside protective packaging until the last possible moment.

Crisps will be concealed.

Napkins will be kept in pockets.

"I've learned my lesson."

Asked whether he was frightened of seagulls, Graham shook his head.

"No."

A gull flew overhead.

Graham immediately covered his head.

"Just being sensible."

Napkin Spotted Again

Several hours after the attack, a white napkin matching Graham's description was reportedly seen on a nearby rooftop.

Three gulls were standing around it.

One appeared to be the bird responsible.

Witnesses claim the group remained there for several minutes before dispersing.

Nobody knows what they were doing.

Graham doesn't want to know.

At the time of publication, he had purchased another sandwich.

He ate it indoors.

The napkin remained firmly in his pocket.

Outside, a seagull was waiting.