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Eastbourne Declares Independence From UK After Town Discovers It Has Enough Hotels, Seagulls And Pensioners To Become Self-Sufficient

New sovereign seaside nation immediately closes border with Brighton and announces strategic reserve of tea, deckchairs and emergency cardigans.

By Jeanette Deckchair · 28 August 2026

Featured

Eastbourne Woman Accidentally Waters Plastic Plant Every Day For Three Years

Local resident says suspicions were finally raised when the plant survived two holidays, a heatwave and being completely forgotten about for Christmas.

By Jeanette Deckchair · 27 August 2026

Breaking

Eastbourne Councillor Claims World Is Flat After ‘Never Once Seeing A Curve From Beachy Head’

Fictional councillor says years of looking out to sea have provided “all the evidence anyone should reasonably need.”

By Robin Sheffield · 27 August 2026

Featured

Eastbourne Seagulls Demand Council Install Pedestrian Crossings On Rooftops

Birds say decades of dangerous chimney-to-chimney travel have been ignored while humans receive “luxury infrastructure” including pavements.

By Sally Squawks · 26 August 2026

Featured

Eastbourne Man Says "Bit Windy Today" For 4,000th Consecutive Day

Family confirm he has made the observation regardless of actual weather conditions since approximately 2015.

By Robin Sheffield · 26 August 2026

Featured

Eastbourne Water Boss To Be Asked Difficult Question: ‘Have You Tried Keeping The Water In The Pipes?’

Emergency meeting expected to explore radical new strategy where water enters pipe at one end and remains inside until reaching customers.

By Robin Sheffield · 26 August 2026

Featured

Seafront Cafe Forced To Ask Customers To Stop Feeding Chips To Seagulls "For A Laugh"

Birds now refusing anything below restaurant quality.

By Robin Sheffield · 26 August 2026

Eastbourne Family Arrives At Beach With £400 Of Equipment, Stays For 23 Minutes

Windbreak, chairs, cool box and enough supplies to survive several days abandoned after somebody announces they're "a bit cold."

By Jeanette Deckchair · 25 August 2026

Featured

Eastbourne Woman Says "I'm Just Popping Into Town" And Returns With Six Bags But Nothing She Went For

Original mission was shampoo. Shampoo remains unaccounted for.

By Jeanette Deckchair · 25 August 2026

Featured

Brighton Council Announces Plans To Charge People £2 Just To Look At The Pier

Fictional ‘Pier Appreciation Tariff’ would allow visitors up to three seconds of uninterrupted viewing before further payment is required.

By Derek Pebbles · 24 August 2026

Featured

Sussex Farmer Wins ‘Most Deer Stared At While Driving’ Award For Third Consecutive Year

Judges praise farmer’s extraordinary ability to attract silent judgement from wildlife every time he drives through the countryside.

By Derek Pebbles · 24 August 2026

Eastbourne Woman Leaves Home Without Coat After Seeing Sunshine, Regrets Decision Within Seven Minutes

Local resident admits she was “reckless” after briefly trusting weather conditions visible through her own window.

By Jeanette Deckchair · 24 August 2026