
Author
Jeanette Deckchair
Latest stories
13 stories

Eastbourne Declares Independence From UK After Town Discovers It Has Enough Hotels, Seagulls And Pensioners To Become Self-Sufficient
New sovereign seaside nation immediately closes border with Brighton and announces strategic reserve of tea, deckchairs and emergency cardigans.

Eastbourne Woman Accidentally Waters Plastic Plant Every Day For Three Years
Local resident says suspicions were finally raised when the plant survived two holidays, a heatwave and being completely forgotten about for Christmas.

Eastbourne Family Arrives At Beach With £400 Of Equipment, Stays For 23 Minutes
Windbreak, chairs, cool box and enough supplies to survive several days abandoned after somebody announces they're "a bit cold."

Eastbourne Woman Says "I'm Just Popping Into Town" And Returns With Six Bags But Nothing She Went For
Original mission was shampoo. Shampoo remains unaccounted for.

Eastbourne Woman Leaves Home Without Coat After Seeing Sunshine, Regrets Decision Within Seven Minutes
Local resident admits she was “reckless” after briefly trusting weather conditions visible through her own window.

Eastbourne Residents Discover ‘Quick Trip Into Town’ Is Scientifically Impossible
Local research confirms every ten-minute errand eventually involves coffee, an unnecessary purchase and somebody you haven't seen since 2014.

Eastbourne Man Accidentally Says Town Is Quite Nice, Forced To Hand In Local Resident Card
Lifelong resident enjoyed Eastbourne for almost ten uninterrupted minutes without mentioning parking, empty shops or how much better everything was in 1987.

Eastbourne Man Claims He Knows Secret Free Parking Space, Refuses To Reveal Location Even To Family
Local resident says information will be passed down only when he dies and warns relatives not to follow him.

Eastbourne Residents Demand Answers After Sea Moves Further Away Overnight
Locals call for immediate investigation after English Channel discovered hundreds of metres further away than it was earlier.

Eastbourne Family's Quick Walk Along Seafront Enters Third Hour
Children demand emergency transport home after father insists "we've basically turned around now" for the fifth consecutive time.

Eastbourne Residents Confirm Seafront Bench Has Been Occupied By Same Man Since Tuesday
Council officials say there is currently "no evidence he intends to leave".