Satire 'News' Stories - Eastbourne, East Sussex
The Archive
The latest satire, parody and local nonsense from Eastbourne and across East Sussex.
88 published stories
Locals call for immediate investigation after English Channel discovered hundreds of metres further away than it was earlier.
New ‘Gulliveroo’ service promises delivery within 30 minutes before taking food directly to undisclosed rooftop.
Residents have been advised that if they encounter a pressure washer, they can simply walk around it — a radical new concept currently being trialled in several parts of the countr…
Diplomatic relations across East Sussex deteriorate following devastating use of basic geography.
Officials investigating how plain English bypassed normal procedures and reached member of public completely unchallenged.
Residents confirm weather is pleasant, seafront is peaceful and nobody has asked them to defend their town for nearly three hours.
Whistleblower disappears following explosive claims that Eastbourne’s organised gull network is controlled by a mysterious figure known only as “Big Beak”.
Police not involved after mysterious young person confirms they were simply going to work.
Children demand emergency transport home after father insists "we've basically turned around now" for the fifth consecutive time.
Local resident now aware of three divorces, a parking dispute and why nobody speaks to Carol anymore.
Birds demand quieter seafront, more food facilities and ban on humans photographing them without permission.
Locals experiencing severe aviation withdrawal after accidentally looking at normal sky for three consecutive days.